A constant source of pain and discomfort. My elbow, forearm, wrist and hand feel like they are in a vice, and for the most part that vice is deep frozen.
People ask me all the time if there is anything happening and I'm just a bit pissed off with it. I know they ask mostly out of care and concern but I'm bored with giving the same answer ... no improvement! If I'm honest it's because I'm afraid that there won't ever be much improvement. I want the three years to be up and to have a definate idea of what use I will have.
The not knowing is almost as bad as the pain.
I'm going to London on Tuesday to see the consultant, I don't believe I'm going to get very much out of the appointment and I think it's more for their records. The physios will probably offer me an orthosis, and me being me will take it but probably won't use it, from my research it looks like a bit of a contraption. We'll see.
The news couldn't be worse, the nerves that supply my hand were avulsed from my spinal cord so the surgery was unable to repair them, they patched them to try and reduce the nerve pain but my hand will never work. This leaves me with a real dilemma, but something that I won't need to decide on for 18 months. What's the point in carrying around a useless limb? It's only function is cosmetic, but could I really decide to have it amputated? It's at times like this when I really really need a supportive partner, family and friends are not the same.
I'm going to Stanmore in June 2010 for another week of rehab and will discuss things at length with my consultant then. He's recommended that I have another nerve graft to try and reduce the pain but I don't know, it would mean that I will lose sensation from the donor site. When will this nightmare be over!
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