Ok so I try to get on with my life because after all life is for living right? Well that's true I guess, and I have a lot to live for, my three children and my 1.5 grandchildren. But just some days it's so bloody hard. I hate being disabled, I hate the restrictions it carries, and the frustrations that it brings. I hate being widowed. Actually that is in the wrong order because if I could choose between the two I would rather be disabled and still have my Si with me than be widowed and intact! I hate not knowing what my life is or what it will be, my 'life map' has been torn into pieces and trampled on and I'm finding it incredibly hard to accept anything but what that was going to be.
I got a new car on the motobility scheme today and as much as I love it I also hate that I have this brand spanking new car outside my house and no Si within it, because honestly it's just material compensation.
But I have to accept that this is my life now because what other choice do I have?
I'm trying to move forwards and trying to be optimistic about life but it's been one hell of a fucking week, month and two years and right now optimism is slightly beyond me!
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to see what life there is for me.
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