Dirty cash

It is an inevitable part of this whole process, after all it's about my future needs and so financial security is imperative. But it feels more like a business transaction than my life. Maybe that's because it's the only way to deal with it so as to spare my sanity. After all if I think about it too deeply all the trauma and grief threaten to return when I have processed them into a manageble place.
The insurers made me a settlement offer which was, quite frankly, insulting. They just want to get rid of me and I'm not prepared to let that happen until I have more information, if I have an arm amputation I'm going to need further prothestics and we still need a forecast for the earning potential of Casimo. Although having said that it will be nice to get this settled and concentrate on my new life.
On the upside they have issued a cheque for my definitive C leg which is bloody excellent news!

Emotional

I seem to have quite a good handle on my emotional state at the moment, so much so that my last session with my psychologist ended with us deciding that I don't need to see her until November, that's 5 months away! :-)
However I do catch my breath when I see a large motorbike, it's not always outwardly obvious but it happens almost every time. It could be Si ... but of course I know it isn't.
When I hear Angels or Hero I am brought close to tears and depending on where I am and what I'm doing sometimes I just can't help but cry. Arms of The Angel makes me smile, remembering how proud Si was to hear me sing it.
There will always be things that remind me of him, whether they evoke happiness or sadness. I have to accept that and I deal with it.